I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize