It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
