Tell her she can't have a vagina
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
