I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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