____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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