she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
