Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
