Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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