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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
