the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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