the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
