someone threw a dead crab at me
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
