i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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