I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
