Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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