i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize