I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
