I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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