Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
