i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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