I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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