You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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