I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
