I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
