just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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