dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
