when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
