don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
