well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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