im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
