So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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