Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
