when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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