I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
