Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
