oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
