We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
