Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
