Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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