I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
