Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
