I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
