..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my mouth tastes like poor choices
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
