i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
