Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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