I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
