my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
