I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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