I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
