I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He passed out mid-signature
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
