my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
