I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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