Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
