Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
