Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
