Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize