Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
