I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
