the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
