In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
