All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
