dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
