fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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