i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
