Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
