apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
