Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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